If you haven't figured it out by now there is some pattern to my posts. Outline a character, put them in a context, share an amusing or challenging anecdote and then fill in some of the blanks with what can often look like a hard luck story.
I do this all on purpose of course, but not to play Russian Roulette with your emotions. I don't intentionally get you laughing and then pull the rug out, but it does happen from time to time. Which is what happens on a continual basis when you work with people in general and people with extremely difficult stories in particular.
But the reason I have adopted this tactic is to (hopefully) give you a rounder picture of the people I work with and (hopefully) of people in general. If you would see a Keith or Vicki on our streets you would likely ask the question, "what's wrong with them?" They don't look that appealing truth be told. But they are people with great senses of humour, deep insight, quirky ideas and though they at times smell worse than most people you encounter (depending on your line of work) they are pretty normal. The exception on the "normal" tag is often the profound hurt and loss that they've experienced in their lives. Acts of commission and omission on their lives have left marks (at times cavernous) deep and wide through their hearts, souls, brain chemistry and ability to be whole.
How different are you and I?
We all have a suitcase (sizes may vary) with "stuff" that has shaped us and continues to shape us and informs our perceptions, reactions, etc. What I've discovered and encountered is that people almost always have good reasons for what they do. It's almost never random or off the grid. Often when I hear stories from our tenants that help me understand their own story I am convinced I would make similar choices (or worse ones) if I had their script to read from.
This doesn't excuse, rather it reveals. Awareness brings understanding and often compassion, or at least on good days. And awareness also brings responsibility to put in the necessary work to be different. But that doesn't take away from the power of the script.
So I tell the stories of the people I work with in order to allow them to be people and not simply characterchers, and to give you just a tiny sliver to help explain why they are like they are.
Wouldn't it be nice to let other people in sometimes so they could see why you get defensive when someone asks you about your parents, why you look away from their gaze when they ask you how you're doing, why you feel a numbing cloud that seems to come over your mind when someone is upset with you?
Wouldn't it be nice if you knew the answers to those questions first?
I digress. The bottom line is we all have a script that we read from and it's more than dialogue. It's actions, it's direction, it's commentary. So kids, the message today is have a deep compassion for yourself because there are good reasons why you do what you do. As you're doing that remember to extend that compassion to your family, friends, co-workers and even that SOB neighbour of yours. It's hard and quite frankly sometimes nearly impossible depending on the amount of hurt that you have experienced and are experiencing.
So start with yourself and then extend.
In the wise words of Bill Mallonee and his song All That is Dear to Your Heart:
We're blind folks reading the braille of our heart
We're all spies breaking codes everyday
Sooner or later it comes down to love
Received then given away
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