Steve is starting a job on Friday. This won't be Steve's first job and it likely won't be his last. Scratch that, it WON'T be his last. Fast food is not the career any young man locks himself into for life.
Steve has raging anxiety. He fears he is being judged by people he doesn't know, people he first meets. He believes that they think he's a lousy individual. This fear is so incredibly powerful that it washes over him with what Steve describes as "an imminent sense of doom." These panic attacks keep him from leaving his Uturn apartment at times, sometimes lasting for an hour or more.
Steve is a persistent young man who, when he gets a bee in his bonnet, can be like a hungry dog with a bone that has just enough meat still hanging on. I've seen him get incensed at businesses and people and I've seen him lobby for change. He can be extremely assertive (trust me on this) and he has the ability to push you until you consider saying "uncle." He has a sharp and, at times, a very stinging sense of humor.
And Steve has raging anxiety.
Anxiety is a fascinating thing. Without getting too much into it, anxiety is self-preservation gone awry. "Things are really unsafe out there, friend. Be alert, alert, ALERT! If you don't then things can go very, very bad. So be ALERT!" Anxiety is stress on speed. Stress can be a very good friend of ours. It can heighten our senses, help us be sharper when we need to be, help us not forget important items or details. Anxiety takes that to an extreme level. Quick reminder, all of mental illness is an extreme of normal experience. It's not a foreign experience to the human condition, simply extreme.
Anyway, back to my friend and yours, anxiety. Anxiety is trying desperately to keep a system safe, to keep one alive even if it is at the cost of relationships, situations, experiences. Our body is trying to keep us safe at all costs and anxiety turns up our senses to "11" when the capacitor only goes to "10" (isn't that some sort of reference from the movie Spinal Tap?). Sights, sounds, smells, touch, sensations, thoughts, feelings are felt at such an extreme level as to keep us on our toes and to keep us... safe. Panic attacks can sometimes be outside of typical experience for people, the result of significant stress when the body says, "time to take a step back, son."
People and relationships are dangerous, man. If you really think about it allowing yourself to love and be loved puts you at fantastic risk. You can't control the person you're giving your heart and allowing you to peek into your soul. Do you know what they could do to you? You trust because, well for lots of reasons really. If you can do the aforementioned then you've learned that, as a rule of thumb, people are good (or good enough) and have shown that they will honor you and that delicate (oh so delicate) heart of yours.
So what has happened to a soul that, as a default, believes (with sincerity and desperation) that people think you're worthless? Caregivers have likely failed in creating a secure attachment, a safe home base that has allowed the soul to feel protected, safe and a place to shed tears of sadness and to be vulnerable. But that's just a wondering...
So the body says, "NEVER AGAIN"! When I am going to meet new people I get a little nervous, a little stressed. When Steve meets new people he wonders how awful they think he will be. His body says, "Shields Up", enter anxiety and panic attacks.
Steve is going to start his new job on Friday and he's not sure how to manage his anxiety outside of "it just needs to be different."
If you're the praying type, would you make a small offering for Steve? Cross your chest, get on yer knees, write it on paper or your heart, whatever method feels like it resonates with you. Steve needs 'em.
'Course, don't we all?
No comments:
Post a Comment