Capacity

I sit with people. A lot. I've heard many stories and many expressions of frustration, anger, hurt and pain in a variety of fashions throughout my eleven year career as a "people helper." What never ceases to amaze me is how people have this unbelievable capacity to hide their pain and crap from others. I'm not just talking strangers or acquaintances, but from close friends and family members. So often when people's darkness comes out the ones that know them best are shocked. We are able to hold things together long enough in certain situations that prevent others to see the heartache that is occuring. I mean, there's leakage. There's always leakage and if you think that there isn't you're fooling yourself. Our words and our actions betray us even when we think we're being oh so sneaky. It's like our bodies and our souls recognize when they are being ignored and they send signals to the outside world in the hopes that someone's radar will pick up the blips. It's just that most times we're all too busy to hear and to see and we don't take the time and energy to pick up on the leaks. It's usually not intentional, but... well that's for a different time.

I say these things for a couple of reasons. First, their just rattling up in my head and I think part of this whole blog thing is a way to get some of this out. Second, it's a reminder that the people I see, go to church with, have coffee with, am in community with and love are likely struggling with something. I'm just not noticing the leaks.